Saturday, September 29, 2012


Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the most gay action figure of all time: FISTO.
Yes, Fisto. Everything about him, from his name, to his purple color scheme to the implication that he's going to do terrible things to you with his giant metal fist just screams gay.
Fisto is also most definitely a bear.  Check out those thick brows, his piercing blue eyes and that lustrous beard. This guy definitely has a bear claw bumper sticker on his Wind Raider.
And just look at that monster fist! His gauntlet is metal and studded...for his pleasure. He packs one hell of a wallop.
And, if his gigantic glove wasn't already enough over compensation, his humongous sword also comes with a fisting theme: a clenched metal fist on the hilt.
Fisto also allows you to swap his head for one without a crown, remove his fancy belt and swap out his ridiculously big sword for a smaller one, which makes him more closely resemble his classic figure from the 1980s.  Like all the Masters of the Universe figures, he's got a killer physique.  Look at those thighs!
So, Fisto is definitely my kind of man...except for the whole fisting thing. Now, if only that big metal hand was a tickling device...

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